This was Written By Concrete Poet. I got it from him when he asked me the same question as to why women stay with men who they know are not good for them. Mentally or Physically. I am reposting this bc I think it should be read.. Sometimes the little things make a difference.Tell me what you think.Here is some feed back from other people who have read my previous blog in 2008/2009! THIS IS NOT SOMETHING I WROTE BUT REACTIONS FROM A DISCUSSION ABOUT ABUSIVE REALTIONSHIP! Ive been there before and now Im not afraid to speak about it, if it will make a difference in someone elses life.
What makes a women stay with a man , when she knows he is not good for her mentally or phyically?? I believe mental pain can sometimes be worse. I wish i can be a the one to preach all the right answers, unfortunately Ive been a victim to that "on going cycle" Im reposting this to open up the eyes of other girls.. We've all been there! please give me your feed back on it !
Yeaah...It really is tough..
I have a new understanding on situations..
Before I would look at a girl and just think she was a lil bonkers for being w.a dude who u know is a lame asss dude
The way I look at it
U hold someone soo high w.Love or Respect
a part of you blocks out the persons faults...
U pretty much look at that person as the B.E.S.T person in the world...
I could never be with someone who I become violent with..
Life is so short
Today your strong and making things happen in your life
1 minute later
Everything can change for the worse..
No-one ever believes that a fucked up situation can happen 2 them
Until its 2 late and your saying 2 yourself
Its crazy that you can allow your man to be with other girls and thats okay as along as he comes home to you at night!?!? How does that justify any of it? once a cheater always a cheater, once a liar always a liar. He is telling her the same lies he's telling you!!! your in denial then girl..you should confront her
It's insane 2 me that people are still struggling w.relationships
rather then working on themselves first...
If u know who u are
what u want out of life
what makes u happy
what makes u mad
U know that if
Someone is treating u fucked up
Someone who isn't giving u what u need in your life
U R suppose 2 look at that person
and know that it is or isn't working
Thank you so much for the words...
It will help alot
I guess when you really care about someone you dont want to believe that they could do the things they do , and that they are the way they are.
It could be from past experience and childhood. On the other hand some women feels because they are woman they can hit a man and its ok but its not ok for man to fight back. We all learn things from our life experience and we apply it in our own way.Its just sad:(
Because in our mind and heart we feel we can fix them and get them out of that abyss that they are in. Its just a matter of time after shes been totally consumed by his issues where she wakes up and decides to let go. When she lets go the love has faded and she can move on. Of course thats when the guy realizes whats he's lost.
My ex recently told me that Im the reason he is the man he is today, if i hadnt left him he wouldnt have known what it took to be a man.
Women stick w/ THAT GUY
Because they're afraid 2 leave
And use all kinds of excuses to stay
Because they're comfortable and figure all guys are like this anyway
So they try and stick it out..til sometimes its too late?!
Actually!! My sister got "chris brown_d" last weekend and she won't leave or press charges on him b.c he's the only 1 that can watch they're newborn baby when she needs to run errands?
A lot of it has to do with low self-..esteem/self image...at least i believe. When you love someone, u better these things...u have hope
that question is the type of question with different million answers.....being that women are for the most part spiritual beings....and look at the bigger picture...many a times the love out weights the pain...
the answer is that many women(not all) are so emotionally attached to that man that obama can try 2 bag them and they will say no.when a woman loves a man..she loves.(deeply) sometimes this is good, and at oter times its just sad.women are are also scared of being lonely,
Because most women aren't as independent and strong as they seem to be... and its so easy to forgive someone you think you love =)
As you said... Love is a powerful thing.. The thought of being alone for a woman is difficult to accept.. especially when ur surrounded by couples.....sometimes when ur with a man for so long u get used to him and its hard to imagine ur life without that person...
Its been almost 2 years that i havent been in a relationship and i find that i cant find anyone who compares to the person i was with especially these days no one wants to be in monogamous relationships anymore or are willing to put in the effort of working on one......
So why not stick with the man who does nothing for you and is probably the worst man on the planet for you instead of being alone or leaving that man for someone who is probably worse... at least u know already what ur working with and last but not least starting all over again sucks!!!
i say "love" maybe but alot of other ppl dotn even know why they choose to stay with this person.
honestly it depends the situation she can probably be stayin with him for any lil thing such as fame, money, sex, family.... who knows... lol
well i was in a situtation where my ex used to hit me too so i know how it feels...
the reason i stayed with him was cause i felt lik e he was my world and i was so used to him in my life i couldnt imagine it withiut hum i mean i d id love him but i guess u can s ay it was i w as comfortable with him and didnt wanna b alone .i look back i t it now and think how stupid i was but we all make mistakes
. physcologically.. u can be tramaitized!!! It happens...
I THINK ITS MORE OF A MENTAL THING WITH WOMAN AND ITS SELF-PITY YOU DONT THINK YOU DESERVE BETTER THAN YOU ARE GETTING SO YOU STAY WIT THE NEGATIVE THE MORE HE TREATS YOU BAD THE MORE YOU THINK ITS LOVE
a regular women and by that I mean a non celebrity, is bound to stay with the guy cuz of lack of confidence, but it can also be the actual emotion of love..some individuals havnt figured out how to control it..
women also feel that they have to meet a deadline in which they have to be married with kids at a certain age..so imagine being with someone for 5yrs and come to find out he played you, he's crying to you telling you how sorry he is and how much he loves you..imagine having to start from scratch..its kinda hard to fathom.
most women stay because they believe that the men will change, or that he didn't mean it and that he is sorry.Now there are also women that have low self stem, and they cant leave their partner, because they feel they cant do better. Now, you don't have to be ugly to have low self stem.you can be really ,really beautiful and have lots of money.
i don't know , maybe Rhianna is suffering from something similar. you never know.what i don't agree with, is when people say that women stay in such relationship because of love.because if you don't value and love your self first , their is no way in hell, you are going to know how to love someone else.
YEA YOU SURE GOT ME ON THAT WELL LOVE IS A REAL MOTHER FUCKER AND A STRONG POWER, I WHEN THRU THAT AND IS HARD TO SAY I GOT STUCK AT TIMES YOU SAY IS BEST GOING THRU IT BY THE PERSON YOU LOVE THEN MEETING A NEW PERSON AND GO THRU IT, WELL IS BAD IN EITHER WAYS
BUT LOVE IS LOVE AND YOU FEEL IF YOU DONT GO BY IT THEN YOU NOT A GOOD WOMAN CUZ YOU DIDNT STICK BY YOUR MAN IN GOOD AND BADS, WELL BEING SPANISH FROM A GOOD FAMILY IF YOU DONT STICK BY YOUR MAN EN LAS BUENAS Y LAS MALAS THEN YOU NOT A GOOD HOUSE WIFE, BUT LIFE HAD TAUGHT ME THATS NOT TRUE.....AND MORE AND MORE
I might not give you the typical answer most women will. they might tell you its all love and blah blah or that she's plain stupid. either way, its the wrong answer….that relationship is purely codependent. they both have issues that the other person's personality feeds into.its like a drug, thats why most men/women stay, their emotional state of mind is in an unhealthy place
it's like u said love is very powerful & makes a women blind..& it's not easy telling ur heart no that person is no good so get him or her out..da heart is sometimes more powerful than da mind..it sucks but that's life
love is a powerful thing and when a woman is in love she becomes very powerful herself being able to indure almost anything...It would take only for her to be fed up with the bull to be able to leave!
Like R Kelly said: "When a woman's fed up, there aint nothing you can do about it!"
Well, I think that when woman become physically or verbally abused they become very vulnerable causing them to get weaker and weaker.... which makes them stay w/ the person who is treating them poorly. I see it happen all the time.. woman start to lose love for themselves.. and the only way to get it back is to move on - which is the hardest thing to do....
I used to have BAD AZZ arguments with my ex to the point where it would get physical unfortunatly. that destroyed our relationship.....he would never hit me back but he would bite me not cool but honestliy speaking right now………...
and real love sufferz, forgivez and gives in which is why Rianna took him back...sad but true......in order for her to get over him ...time has to pass...it took me a year !!! to get over my 4 1/2 year relation ship
its weird and you know what i ask myself that question everyday. I guess sometimes as women we mistake that abuse whether physical or verbal, to be asign of love.....affection or attention. We are beautiful but we dont see it. it sucks.
Well sometimes in not that is powerfull and i know it looks easy from the outer view. Women who r abused both physically and emotianaly sometimes fall in depression or is a control they cant come out off. Some may think is stupid but they need help…..Why do women stay in Battering relationships..
3.Security= Fear of being alone and that she can not cope with her self…..
8.SHAME, EMBARRASSMENT, HUMILIATION….
9.OPTIMISM= THINGS WILL GET BETTER!..!.........
IS A CYCLE AND is hard some need to find the support and just get help…………… I'm a counselor for drug and alchol and I also deal with battered woman and is not as easy as it looks…….WHEN A PERSON LIVES IN UNENDING TERROR/STRESS, THEIR ABILITY TO RESIST GETS WORN AWAy. THEY BECOME CONFUSED, EXHAUSTED AND LACK THE ENERGY NEEDED TO MAKE CHANGES!..!!!!....
Well my thoughts on that matter are these:
A woman, you're right, can find a man any where.....however, it isn't the man that she can find where ever that she wants…………….
For a reason or another, the heart has gotten stuck on this particular person, good for you or not. The matters of the heart cant really be controlled, so for that matter...it's easy for those looking outside in to pass judgment...
for those who are actually in it, well, fighting your heart is a difficult task. It doesn't mean you are "stupid" or "don't know any better" one can be very aware of her situation or mess as I would like to put, but chooses to follow her or his heart "in hopes" that things will get better………….
can they get better yes, will it? who knows? it has to be a group effort.....................emotions are a crazy thing, and we wish it were that easy to turn on and off, only the two involved in that relationship know what really goes on………….
perhaps there is real love there and there was an incident that got very out of control...and she chooses to forgive and he promises the world, and she chooses to believe…………..
there is obviously something going on there, besides the incident that has been plastered everywhere..............
its a horrible example to our children and young ladies, men..but, at the end of the day they are people………....When the heart releases, if it is no too late, then that is when you can let go…………….
Sometimes, you can overpower your heart and your the great powers held within the mind, but...that has to be an effort put forth……………"A woman can find a man anywhere, but when she finds one she wants its hard to let go."
love is an emotion that makes you blind, feel dependent, think things are gonna be ok, it plays trick with your mind. it is an emotion that carries a life in itself..........with that said i believe the only reason they go back is b/c the woman understand how she loves...and she thinks that if he loves her (like she loves b/c she is going by what she knows) then she thinks there is a possibility for change.
its also a serious case of denial and embarrassment……..………so i would say the powerful emotion is what makes them go back...jsut b/c a man hits you doesnt mean you are gonna stop loving him...just like everything else, leaving is also a process..........................not everyone is strong enough, but at the end of the day I am a huge believer in choice and i would say that after a while and continued episodes, the woman stays b/c she wants too plain and simple...cuz there is always a choice...the only place and thing that doesnt give you a choice is a cementary...by then what does that choice matter, its already too late...so pple really need to cherish humanity more and maybe then these women's process will be easier............idk just saying...
I think it's usually a combination of all or some of these things:
low self-esteem, low expectations / standards and the belief that the guy can change and the woman will be able to change him. She believes him when he says he's sorry and won't do it again, because she WANTS to believe it... so she stays and HOPES for the change, which as you know, never comes. She can go through this cycle for years.
Why? Because she doesn't have enough strength within her to leave and she doesn't have enough support or knowledge that she SHOULD leave. She truly loves the man and hangs on to the hope that she can have her forever after fairy tale once he changes.....
Abusive men are on a different level or wavelength, one she can never comprehend. I just read a book on abusive relationships.
The research says the abusive person and the victim are living in two different realities, so until the victim educates themselves and stops living in denial, they will never be able to step into the abuser's reality and recognize them for what they are. Abusers are controlling, manipulative, hostile, competitive, etc.
Victims aren't in that mindframe. They're good natured, trusting, they want partnership, etc.. Neither group can understand the other because they're coming from two separate mindframes.....
It's extremely difficult for the abuser to recognize their wrongs and change, since they're not functioning in a normal reality to begin with. They don't see a reason to change and given their controlling and competitive nature, they will fight anyone who tells them they need to change.
The victim just doesn't get this, because she thinks surely the guy must understand where she's coming from. Again, two separate realities that don't, and can't, intersect. They both need serious therapy.
That's why it's often the smartest idea for the woman to leave, as abusers are severly damaged people who have a long road ahead of them.