Thursday, March 24, 2011
Thou shall be no other
You are the only person I have ever known that has stood by my side w/out ever leaving me. No questions asked, if I ever needed you…you were there . Whatever the problem was, you never ever had to ask,
you just came right to me.
Whatever I said I said..what I did I did. You never 2nd guessed me.
Your patience is ridiculous. My life is ridiculous..
people wouldn't even believe the half. You KNOW the full.
You put up with my pathetic bullshit like it was nothing.
If I couldn't sleep, you're the only person that would stay on the phone with me till I could. Like always, you never let me down. you are the only person that has stayed true for as long as Ive known you.
They think they know...YOU know. You're the only one who knows what goes on inside my head. That is mind boggling to me. I don't get you..why do u care?
mess up as much as you can before you regret it. I mess up everyday. lifes short..were running out of time. You cant live till you really understand--Perfection is not really happiness.. its trying to hard!
I treat people how they treat me. Im loyal, I don't just leave ppl they leave me. I speak the truth . I expect that in return. You spoil me. I didn't take you for granted. I am never alone, you are with me always. ..you are never alone im with you always !
MAKEUP IS MY ART
Clearly, I have worked with Mac for some years and so I am most familar with there products so the majority of my kit consists of all MAC makeup. Ido have a few favs by smashbox,urban decay and Def..makeup forever.
I do all and ANY type of makeup you can think of. Beauty, High Fashion, Bridal ( which makes up a big part of my business), Film/Tv, Theatrical, Special effects, body paint, Scar/ tattoo coverage, & photoshoots.. which is my all time favorite!! did i leave anything out? Airbrush I have done in the past but I dont do it often..if anything maybe I will start abusing the airbrush gun for bodies in photoshoots. Im not a big fan of airbrush gun on face and def not eyes. Though I have not tried MAC regular liquid found. in a gun before. If anyone has, let me know! MAC pro also carries a airbrush formula you can dilute your fluids with. Thats in my kit, taking up space.
Makeup on film is totally different from a regular beauty app. Not only by placement but bc of the different textures, ingredients that make -up the product etc. How it looks in front of you will read totally different in pictures. Thats why you need to be familar with whats in your kit. I dont know whats in your kit, but I can tell you whats in MINE.
With makeup the most important thing to remember is honestly there are NO rules. Its whatever your comfortable with. Everything I have learned was not from any class or book! It was from my eye, whatever looked good. When you step back and look at the whole picture and something looks off..its kinda like where did I EFF up and how can I fix it. Then you know for next time. It's trial and error..and time. AND of course from all my co-workers I have worked with. Just from being around other artists you pick up there tricks and develop your own techniques.
My kit is a small luggage, I condense as best I can. But im always still paranoid I will forget something though ive been doing this for years. Everything is labeled and in smaller plastic squeeze tubes/ bottles..zipblock bags, containers in its on section. Whatever fits, Whatever works, Whatever is easy to find and fast to get to! I get pill cases from cvs or wherever and press my lipsticks into them. Now I have a lipstick pallete. Duh. A bigger version of that can be used for foundation. I never carry every shade, thats a waste of time and money. A few dark, a few light, a few warm, a few cool. True artists can make any color as long as they have esstentials to build and work with.My foundations, I have something for full coverage and then tinted moisturizers, A have a very dewy one and matte. Diff textures and coverages, But again you can turn a full coverage into a sheer coverage..just dilute it with moisturizer or whatever. My favs= Mac Full coverage, Mineralize liquid, select cover up as a foundation!, moisture cover as a foundation or under eyes, Hyper real,Studio mist, Studio Fluid , Face and body, Makeup forever photofinish. Moisturizers,Primers,- If you do not prime and moist your skin 1st it will look like shit and not last!!!! eww. My favs, Smashbox face primer, Urbandecay special effects eye primer,Strobe creme is a must! even on the body. Strobe liquid to, even to mix with found. Mac paint pot. Mac just came out with Pore refined zone which i just started testing out. The wrinlkle filler is amazing!! Mac lash primer! Matte creme. Blot sheets are good to have to.MY FAV Powders- Mac mineralized loose, Mineralized press is to sheer for me..I just love it as a finishing powder and a bronzer. They photograph amazing. Mineralize shimmer to highlight areas, amazing. Blunt blush I use as a contour. My fav thing to do is SKIN, glowyy skin with contour sitting just right. I do like Mac loose powders to and the New translucent powder. Even mixed together. To set makup. Blot pressed is good to, I keep that on set and in my bag for Oil touch ups. Studio fix I love but I would never use for photoshoots. It reflects to much light youll look like a ghost.LIPS I'll use anything that looks good. I own every lipstick and lipgloss that make has to offer..limited or not. Dazzle glass is AMAZING! orgasim in a tube.Eyeshadow- Have a selection. I have ALOT of MAC 15 Pro Pallettes and I just buy the inserts to pop the shadows in. CONDENSE. I have a smokey palette with all greys, blacks, bronze, browns, nudes. Then I have all brights. Neutrels, Just organized and labeled. Pigments all colors
Mascaras, I use plush alot and always the MAC primer. I jump around alot with mascaras. Christian dior show, Lancome hypnotise. Once you use lashes you never go back!! I havnt really found a mascara I loveee.
Lashes- us mac girls are known to OD on false lashes, 2,3 some girls where 4? LOL theres so many different types. My Favs are from MAC #'s... 2,3,4,7,34, 36, and 20's. My fav combinations are.. doubled 7's. 7's and 20's. I would never use any other glue then duo. Ive heard horror stories.
Eyebrows frame a face, so important. Depending on if they have enough hair or not but I like to use pencials by mac to outline and then mac eyeshadow to shade in. Mac browsets to finish off.
Eyeliner= Again I havnt really used anything but mac, one of these days I will explore sephora more. Im big on mac power points , fluidline, liquid last..that shit lasts!! Kohl pencial smolder is realllll dark but it runs. Carbon, Sketch, FIG 1 or anything dark to smudge out eyeliner.
Blush, I have a assortment of colors and I have them in Palettes as well. Pinks, pink browns, browns, reds, deep red, bronze, peach, etccccc
The following is what I personally use and could not live with out. I do all my makeup for my own photoshoots and this is what MY FACE consist of
To be continued..
Abusive relationships.
This was Written By Concrete Poet. I got it from him when he asked me the same question as to why women stay with men who they know are not good for them. Mentally or Physically. I am reposting this bc I think it should be read.. Sometimes the little things make a difference.Tell me what you think.Here is some feed back from other people who have read my previous blog in 2008/2009! THIS IS NOT SOMETHING I WROTE BUT REACTIONS FROM A DISCUSSION ABOUT ABUSIVE REALTIONSHIP! Ive been there before and now Im not afraid to speak about it, if it will make a difference in someone elses life.
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| What makes a women stay with a man , when she knows he is not good for her mentally or phyically?? I believe mental pain can sometimes be worse. I wish i can be a the one to preach all the right answers, unfortunately Ive been a victim to that "on going cycle" Im reposting this to open up the eyes of other girls.. We've all been there! please give me your feed back on it ! Yeaah...It really is tough.. I have a new understanding on situations.. Before I would look at a girl and just think she was a lil bonkers for being w.a dude who u know is a lame asss dude The way I look at it U hold someone soo high w.Love or Respect that a part of you blocks out the persons faults... U pretty much look at that person as the B.E.S.T person in the world... I could never be with someone who I become violent with.. Fuck that Life is so short Today your strong and making things happen in your life N 1 minute later Everything can change for the worse.. No-one ever believes that a fucked up situation can happen 2 them Until its 2 late and your saying 2 yourself "FUCK....Y ME" Its crazy that you can allow your man to be with other girls and thats okay as along as he comes home to you at night!?!? How does that justify any of it? once a cheater always a cheater, once a liar always a liar. He is telling her the same lies he's telling you!!! your in denial then girl..you should confront her It's insane 2 me that people are still struggling w.relationships rather then working on themselves first... If u know who u are what u want out of life what makes u happy what makes u mad U know that if Someone is treating u fucked up or Someone who isn't giving u what u need in your life U R suppose 2 look at that person and know that it is or isn't working Thank you so much for the words... It will help alot I guess when you really care about someone you dont want to believe that they could do the things they do , and that they are the way they are. It could be from past experience and childhood. On the other hand some women feels because they are woman they can hit a man and its ok but its not ok for man to fight back. We all learn things from our life experience and we apply it in our own way.Its just sad:( Because in our mind and heart we feel we can fix them and get them out of that abyss that they are in. Its just a matter of time after shes been totally consumed by his issues where she wakes up and decides to let go. When she lets go the love has faded and she can move on. Of course thats when the guy realizes whats he's lost. My ex recently told me that Im the reason he is the man he is today, if i hadnt left him he wouldnt have known what it took to be a man. Women stick w/ THAT GUY Because they're afraid 2 leave And use all kinds of excuses to stay Because they're comfortable and figure all guys are like this anyway So they try and stick it out..til sometimes its too late?! Actually!! My sister got "chris brown_d" last weekend and she won't leave or press charges on him b.c he's the only 1 that can watch they're newborn baby when she needs to run errands? A lot of it has to do with low self-..esteem/self image...at least i believe. When you love someone, u better these things...u have hope that question is the type of question with different million answers.....being that women are for the most part spiritual beings....and look at the bigger picture...many a times the love out weights the pain... the answer is that many women(not all) are so emotionally attached to that man that obama can try 2 bag them and they will say no.when a woman loves a man..she loves.(deeply) sometimes this is good, and at oter times its just sad.women are are also scared of being lonely, Because most women aren't as independent and strong as they seem to be... and its so easy to forgive someone you think you love =) As you said... Love is a powerful thing.. The thought of being alone for a woman is difficult to accept.. especially when ur surrounded by couples.....sometimes when ur with a man for so long u get used to him and its hard to imagine ur life without that person... Its been almost 2 years that i havent been in a relationship and i find that i cant find anyone who compares to the person i was with especially these days no one wants to be in monogamous relationships anymore or are willing to put in the effort of working on one...... So why not stick with the man who does nothing for you and is probably the worst man on the planet for you instead of being alone or leaving that man for someone who is probably worse... at least u know already what ur working with and last but not least starting all over again sucks!!! i say "love" maybe but alot of other ppl dotn even know why they choose to stay with this person. honestly it depends the situation she can probably be stayin with him for any lil thing such as fame, money, sex, family.... who knows... lol comfort.....bottom line well i was in a situtation where my ex used to hit me too so i know how it feels... the reason i stayed with him was cause i felt lik e he was my world and i was so used to him in my life i couldnt imagine it withiut hum i mean i d id love him but i guess u can s ay it was i w as comfortable with him and didnt wanna b alone .i look back i t it now and think how stupid i was but we all make mistakes . physcologically.. u can be tramaitized!!! It happens... I THINK ITS MORE OF A MENTAL THING WITH WOMAN AND ITS SELF-PITY YOU DONT THINK YOU DESERVE BETTER THAN YOU ARE GETTING SO YOU STAY WIT THE NEGATIVE THE MORE HE TREATS YOU BAD THE MORE YOU THINK ITS LOVE a regular women and by that I mean a non celebrity, is bound to stay with the guy cuz of lack of confidence, but it can also be the actual emotion of love..some individuals havnt figured out how to control it.. women also feel that they have to meet a deadline in which they have to be married with kids at a certain age..so imagine being with someone for 5yrs and come to find out he played you, he's crying to you telling you how sorry he is and how much he loves you..imagine having to start from scratch..its kinda hard to fathom. most women stay because they believe that the men will change, or that he didn't mean it and that he is sorry.Now there are also women that have low self stem, and they cant leave their partner, because they feel they cant do better. Now, you don't have to be ugly to have low self stem.you can be really ,really beautiful and have lots of money. i don't know , maybe Rhianna is suffering from something similar. you never know.what i don't agree with, is when people say that women stay in such relationship because of love.because if you don't value and love your self first , their is no way in hell, you are going to know how to love someone else. YEA YOU SURE GOT ME ON THAT WELL LOVE IS A REAL MOTHER FUCKER AND A STRONG POWER, I WHEN THRU THAT AND IS HARD TO SAY I GOT STUCK AT TIMES YOU SAY IS BEST GOING THRU IT BY THE PERSON YOU LOVE THEN MEETING A NEW PERSON AND GO THRU IT, WELL IS BAD IN EITHER WAYS BUT LOVE IS LOVE AND YOU FEEL IF YOU DONT GO BY IT THEN YOU NOT A GOOD WOMAN CUZ YOU DIDNT STICK BY YOUR MAN IN GOOD AND BADS, WELL BEING SPANISH FROM A GOOD FAMILY IF YOU DONT STICK BY YOUR MAN EN LAS BUENAS Y LAS MALAS THEN YOU NOT A GOOD HOUSE WIFE, BUT LIFE HAD TAUGHT ME THATS NOT TRUE.....AND MORE AND MORE I might not give you the typical answer most women will. they might tell you its all love and blah blah or that she's plain stupid. either way, its the wrong answer….that relationship is purely codependent. they both have issues that the other person's personality feeds into.its like a drug, thats why most men/women stay, their emotional state of mind is in an unhealthy place it's like u said love is very powerful & makes a women blind..& it's not easy telling ur heart no that person is no good so get him or her out..da heart is sometimes more powerful than da mind..it sucks but that's life love is a powerful thing and when a woman is in love she becomes very powerful herself being able to indure almost anything...It would take only for her to be fed up with the bull to be able to leave! Like R Kelly said: "When a woman's fed up, there aint nothing you can do about it!" Well, I think that when woman become physically or verbally abused they become very vulnerable causing them to get weaker and weaker.... which makes them stay w/ the person who is treating them poorly. I see it happen all the time.. woman start to lose love for themselves.. and the only way to get it back is to move on - which is the hardest thing to do.... I used to have BAD AZZ arguments with my ex to the point where it would get physical unfortunatly. that destroyed our relationship.....he would never hit me back but he would bite me not cool but honestliy speaking right now………... and real love sufferz, forgivez and gives in which is why Rianna took him back...sad but true......in order for her to get over him ...time has to pass...it took me a year !!! to get over my 4 1/2 year relation ship its weird and you know what i ask myself that question everyday. I guess sometimes as women we mistake that abuse whether physical or verbal, to be asign of love.....affection or attention. We are beautiful but we dont see it. it sucks. Well sometimes in not that is powerfull and i know it looks easy from the outer view. Women who r abused both physically and emotianaly sometimes fall in depression or is a control they cant come out off. Some may think is stupid but they need help…..Why do women stay in Battering relationships.. 1..Economic Dependence… 2.Parenting…. 3.Security= Fear of being alone and that she can not cope with her self….. 4.Loyalty…. 5.Pitty….. 6.DENIAL… 7.GUILT…. 8.SHAME, EMBARRASSMENT, HUMILIATION…. 9.OPTIMISM= THINGS WILL GET BETTER!..!......... IS A CYCLE AND is hard some need to find the support and just get help…………… I'm a counselor for drug and alchol and I also deal with battered woman and is not as easy as it looks…….WHEN A PERSON LIVES IN UNENDING TERROR/STRESS, THEIR ABILITY TO RESIST GETS WORN AWAy. THEY BECOME CONFUSED, EXHAUSTED AND LACK THE ENERGY NEEDED TO MAKE CHANGES!..!!!!.... Well my thoughts on that matter are these: A woman, you're right, can find a man any where.....however, it isn't the man that she can find where ever that she wants……………. For a reason or another, the heart has gotten stuck on this particular person, good for you or not. The matters of the heart cant really be controlled, so for that matter...it's easy for those looking outside in to pass judgment... for those who are actually in it, well, fighting your heart is a difficult task. It doesn't mean you are "stupid" or "don't know any better" one can be very aware of her situation or mess as I would like to put, but chooses to follow her or his heart "in hopes" that things will get better…………. can they get better yes, will it? who knows? it has to be a group effort.....................emotions are a crazy thing, and we wish it were that easy to turn on and off, only the two involved in that relationship know what really goes on…………. perhaps there is real love there and there was an incident that got very out of control...and she chooses to forgive and he promises the world, and she chooses to believe………….. there is obviously something going on there, besides the incident that has been plastered everywhere.............. its a horrible example to our children and young ladies, men..but, at the end of the day they are people………....When the heart releases, if it is no too late, then that is when you can let go……………. Sometimes, you can overpower your heart and your the great powers held within the mind, but...that has to be an effort put forth……………"A woman can find a man anywhere, but when she finds one she wants its hard to let go." love is an emotion that makes you blind, feel dependent, think things are gonna be ok, it plays trick with your mind. it is an emotion that carries a life in itself..........with that said i believe the only reason they go back is b/c the woman understand how she loves...and she thinks that if he loves her (like she loves b/c she is going by what she knows) then she thinks there is a possibility for change. its also a serious case of denial and embarrassment……..………so i would say the powerful emotion is what makes them go back...jsut b/c a man hits you doesnt mean you are gonna stop loving him...just like everything else, leaving is also a process..........................not everyone is strong enough, but at the end of the day I am a huge believer in choice and i would say that after a while and continued episodes, the woman stays b/c she wants too plain and simple...cuz there is always a choice...the only place and thing that doesnt give you a choice is a cementary...by then what does that choice matter, its already too late...so pple really need to cherish humanity more and maybe then these women's process will be easier............idk just saying... I think it's usually a combination of all or some of these things: low self-esteem, low expectations / standards and the belief that the guy can change and the woman will be able to change him. She believes him when he says he's sorry and won't do it again, because she WANTS to believe it... so she stays and HOPES for the change, which as you know, never comes. She can go through this cycle for years. Why? Because she doesn't have enough strength within her to leave and she doesn't have enough support or knowledge that she SHOULD leave. She truly loves the man and hangs on to the hope that she can have her forever after fairy tale once he changes..... Abusive men are on a different level or wavelength, one she can never comprehend. I just read a book on abusive relationships. The research says the abusive person and the victim are living in two different realities, so until the victim educates themselves and stops living in denial, they will never be able to step into the abuser's reality and recognize them for what they are. Abusers are controlling, manipulative, hostile, competitive, etc. Victims aren't in that mindframe. They're good natured, trusting, they want partnership, etc.. Neither group can understand the other because they're coming from two separate mindframes..... It's extremely difficult for the abuser to recognize their wrongs and change, since they're not functioning in a normal reality to begin with. They don't see a reason to change and given their controlling and competitive nature, they will fight anyone who tells them they need to change. The victim just doesn't get this, because she thinks surely the guy must understand where she's coming from. Again, two separate realities that don't, and can't, intersect. They both need serious therapy. That's why it's often the smartest idea for the woman to leave, as abusers are severly damaged people who have a long road ahead of them. |
My new life in LA
I wrote this blog in late 2009 when I first moved out to hollywood>>>>>
True happiness is when you cant sleep bc your reality is better then your dreams.
I'm constantly always writing but I only blog once in awhile on few things I feel I want to share with you guys and the rest of the *world*. I know not EVERYONE is gonna see things how I see em' but I can still try right?.
I'm always pressed for time and dont get much downtime to sit and write things out but for some reason everytime im back in NY something comes over me and relaxes me to get on here and blog..anyways this will be a short and simple one not like my previous blogs..hey, sometimes or most of the time I have alot to say!! Ps..thats why im working on a book that will be out hmm prob a few years.. i dont quite have my ending yet ;)
I spent the day with my family and my close friends.. I got home not to long ago.. I was pretty tired but figured I'd continue with my research and stuff that needs to be taken care of before I get any sleep. Yes im a work-o-holic and yes I always like to have 100 projects going on at once to keep my mind going.. I dont think I will EVER meet anyone in my life who will relate to me on my level..like the WAY my mind thinks.. sometimes I think im weird, sometimes I think im different haha. No one can keep up with me.. not even my managers.. bc no one will understand me more then ME so how can someone manage me better? LOL for example how can someone tell me im this ..or im that? IM STILL TRYING TO FIGURE *ME* out!! im still growing as a person.. when I think or do something..IM THE 1st person to find out..i'll let YOU know.. haha HELLO im my own person. So before anyone else knows..I WILL.. note to self, NOONE WILL EVER MANAGE ME BETTER THEN MYSELF. I PROMISE YOU. I VALUE OTHER OPINIONS BUT I WILL HAVE FINAL CUT..ALWAYS.
I finished up last minute touches on some projects im working on, but im not happy with them..so I replan. Sometimes I wonder why I put trust in other people to try and get things done when I know I could just take more time and do it myself..in the end it will pay off to my behalf. I get frustrated bc I feel like I dont have a large enough team of people behind me helping me in this or supporting me. I literally scream. I want to pull my hair out but if I cry..then what? I dont have anyone to wipe my tears, wave a magic wand and make it okay. Im a big girl, everything in my life i've earned I havn't been handed a thing. Not like today's the end its far from it, but in the end im a stronger and more independent person bc of it. At this point of my life things could only get better, im proud of myself.. I think of one year ago from today and I was plotting my way to LA and had no way of getting there and NOT ONE PERSON who supported me. EVERYONE told me it was going to be the biggest mistake of my life. I did what I wanted and what I felt bc thats how I live my life. How can you go through life without taking chances?? im not the crazy one..YOU WHO THINK THAT WAY ARE!!!.. what if I never moved bc I was afraid to fail. How dumb.
Its only been about 6months and I couldnt be more happier with my life and all the opputunities Ive been blessed with. Im somewhat of a perfectionistand a over achiever. I want to learn everything! I want to do everything..at least one. Im so excited to continue living the life I always wanted to. I have big hopes and expectations. Sometimes I get so overwhelmed with the present and everything I have going on that I literally need to take a deep breath andSTOP. Like just tonight, I mentally slowed my mind down and relaxxxx..and realize.. actually how far ive come and give myself someeee credit. ..when im in LA its constant WORK WORK WORK its never enough and never good enough.. running here and there. DEADLINES ETC. PRESSURE PRESSURE.. And thats all coming from myself. I dont have to do any of it if I dont want to but I have plans and a deadline so its gotta happen.. and It will one way or another. I mean if you try hard enough eventually..anyone will get it done but not everyone will get it done RIGHT. you feel me?
Im hard on myself. Im my biggest critic, no one can tell me something about ME I dont already know. I actually am one of those people who love critism bc I am constantly looking to improve myself for the better and learn from others who know more or know other WayZ.
Maybe its my fault for being selfish but I think I desserve it. I desserve every penny I make and Every bit of happiness I feel . I admit I dont know what it feels like to be in love. Ive simply forgotten. One day im sure that person will come and swipe me off my feet and i'll find more out of life I dont even know im missing right now.. but Life right now is all about and my goals. Im dedicated to what I know and devoted to what I believe in... its a sickness im proud of..its called hardworker =) and no ones gunna stand in my way believe that.
There I did it again I drifted far more then what I originally planned on writing! HEHE.
When all I really wanted to say was I was sitting in this chair earlier doing research as always and I said to myself I should get some sleep!! BUTTT I was so anxious thinking about upcoming projects and things I want to do short term and long.. and just excited about life in general. Is this what being HIGH OFF LIFE means?? ABout waking up tomorrrow and seeing people I havnt seen, about going shopping or just walking around outside on a nice day.. about events coming up..im just soo ahhhhhhhh ashodiahudshodha ANXIOUS!!! you have no idea what this feeling is like..its hard to explain, its like im in love with this lifestyle and like i finally found my match..IM LIKE GOD DAMNNN I think im in love. I cant sleep, I cant eat I just want to screammmm and share it with the world i feel like Tom Cruise on Opera! HAHA i just want to tell someone IM HAPPY! what a achievement..i finally made myself happy.. all by myself haha now if only I can do that 100000000 more times id be great-er.
NOW I REALLY GET IT..I REALLY GET IT..
TRUE HAPPINESS IS WHEN YOU CANT SLEEP BC YOUR REALITY IS BETTER THEN YOUR DREAMS!!!!
The most TWISTED TRUTH I have EVER wrote!
POSTED DEC14 2009>>>>>
This is NOT a general statement.
Your dedicated hate and ambition to tear apart my happiness makes me fight even harder.
Forcefull hands placed on me did hurt but NOTHING hurts more then hurtful words. I can resite them over and over. The human memory can hold so much but we can still forget what people say to us.. though we can never forget how those people made us feel. Embed those scenes in the back of my head and I can play it out again and again.
Over time, Bruises fade but scars last forever. Your sick, sad pitiful eyes look into mine and straight into my soul. Like acid to my flesh, eating away at myself. Thats fear turned into anger. Thats me, being awake. Raging resentment is a edited way of wording it. I am disgusted at the things I've read, heard, and seen.
You are that flame within me that burns inside of me forever and keeps me going harder and fighting every day that im alive. I take whatever is thrown to me and recycle it for my own strength, energy, dedication, and ambition. I am not enlightened by apologies, by any means. I take the blame, I am so much better of a person..my morals speak for themself and my love have no pride, as it shouldn't.
It was all my fault for ever putting myself in a hopeless sitituation. I could have sold my soul to the devil and given my innocence away on a street corner and felt more proud then I can ever feel looking back at "that". I've tried not to use words like disspointed, embarrased or so "un-proud" but how could I not?
Continue to inspire me on what NOT to grow up to be like.. i've learned so much in such a short time and yet it feels like it has taken me forever to realize this gift that god has blessed me with right in front of my eyes. Only god can judge me. Who is anyone else to try and control me?? that should be a sin. Someones soul is crumbled up in my clenched fist and it's not mine.. When you feel that somethings missing..it's not me..it is so not me. How does it feel to have your life in someone else hands? Strength never comes from powering over weaker people..thats just weakness. Learn from me. Learn from my mistakes. If I could make 1 person out of 1million understand not just this but everything I try to "preach" id be a happier person. Im so open with my feelings bc I know theres more people out there who can relate! So lets make a difference! Without our past we cant be who we are today so THANK YOU for making me stronger.
* NEW* MY BACKROUND/CAREER AND HOW I GOT INTO MODELING!! **NEW**
I went to cosmetology school in highschool which taught me skincare, some makeup, all hair cuts, styles, color some nail stuff in which I hate lol. I realized I didnt really like doing hair much though I worked at every salon possible when I lived in NY. And I always did my friends and familys hair/makeup and all that. You either know what your doing or dont. And then of course practice makes perfect and you learn as you go and as you do..but you have to have a eye for it. Its a art!
I realized I liked skincare much more so I went to school for skincare.. Esthetics and got my lic as a Lic esthetician. The only part I like about working at salons besides the fast cash and making people pretty.. was running them. I realized I was good at being bossy and giving orders lol Im actually very very business savy and get off on office supplies .. a trip to staples turns me on! hahah! After that I read some books and took some classes on business, I got my business lic as well. Soon after I spent thousands of dollars on every spa machine and equipment I needed and wanted to do skincare out of a room in my parents house. I did waxing, skincare, makeup. I started getting compliments on my makeup and friends would ask me to do theirs so I got more into makeup that way. I was only 18 at that point!
I then got a job as a makeup artist in a photography studio where I learn TONS about makeup by watching the head artist there! I even got my hands into photography around that time and studied it alot!! I must of been a photographer in my last lifetime. Soon after I became head artist and basically a manager. Outside of work I continued modelling as my hobbie and loved doing my own makeup and learning how it works on camera by trying everything possible!! There was nothing I learned from a book or cosmo/makeup school that compared to what I learned from either doing it and saying omg that looks horrible and learning to fix it or just seeing it look good an why it worked and of course working at MAC COSMETICS. Stepped my game up to new levels.
I started working for MAC when I was 18 or 19yrs old. And went thru the whole process and worked my way up the ladder. I worked at nearly every location in NY and settled as a manager though I always had a passion more for the artistic part of it, I usta want to be a trainer for MAC but my paths took me else wear. I did TONS AND TONSSSS of makeup for weddings, films and photoshoots! That was my speciality. The skincare drifted away from me. I started modelling more to. I always felt better tanner in my own pics and so I learned how to AIRBRUSH TAN myself and taught myself how to contour my body.. much harder to do on yourself with no1s help. To date.. I have done my own makeup and hair on every single photoshoot. Including coming up with the concept minus a few that great minds came up with =) I give credit where credits due!
I then moved to LA where I now just FREELANCE for MAC.. and have built my clientelle up . The reason behind this is not because I dont like working for MAC but because I moved to LA to get my hands more involved with acting/film/tv for myself and not so much as behind the scenes. Though I still have my HUGE kit of makeup and still do makeup for all occasions as I always will the tables have turned.. makeup is something im good at and I do it as a hobbie. I even have lowered my rates bc I do it because I love it and to make people look and feel better about themselves makes me feel good to! But I am focusing on acting right now. So I like to keep my days open and schedule where I can adjust it. And im very lucky to have that opportunity! A good friend of mine has a simliar backround and has recently opened her Spa in Laguna Beach. If you would like to check it out message me for details. I assistant her with makeup and eventually we will collaborate and open a huge makeup/spa studio in the future but as I said im focusing on other things Ive always wanted to do. So with that being said, I have never needed a portfolio since Ive worked for MAC for years I just normally have people come to my store do their makeup and its up to them if they like it. theres so much you can take pics of anyways.. I guess I can see you may want to see some work but its better to just see for yourself. Of course working for MAC speaks for itself.. if your not a professional you wouldnt be there but still everyone has their on style. Which brings me to what this is ALL about..
Ive been meaning to start my own company being I feel as if I know everyone in the industry from NY TO LA! haha not just from working in it but being a beauty obsessed person myself! haha so you may have seen my recent post looking to add.. makeup artist, hair colorists, stylists, photogrpahers, WARDROBE STYLISTS,estheticians, massage therapists, mancurists and all that to my roster!! Please email FASHIONLUVSME@optonline.net with a pic and resume and why youd be good for this. IT IS PAID VERY WELL BTW ! Being Ive worked in the industry for years I GET IT!! IM HIRING PPL FROM EVERY STATE!! FROM EVERY STATE. In the process of building my company world wide.. I normally dont like to launch a project till it is finalized!! But HERE I WILL GIVE YOU A TASTE OF MY NEWEST EMPIRE AKA MAFIA PROJECT THAT IS GOING TO TAKE OVER YOUR WORLD MUAHAHAh! =) ONCE I AM DONE HIRING OR ADDING ARTISTS TO MY ROSTER.. I WILL PUT UP EACH PERSONS RESUME/ PIC and pics of their work. AND ABOUT THEM AND WHERE THEYRE LOCATED ETC.. SO YOU CAN GET A FEEL FOR THEM.. LIKE I SAID THE WEBSITES NOT DONE BUT I WANTED TO LET YOU IN ON WHAT MY IDEA IS. LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK..
YEP, XTIN WAYZ HAS A COMPANY... AND GUESS WHOS THE BOSS??? 
MUCH LOVE EVERYONE, OH BTW ON THE WEBSITE IT WILL TELL YOU MORE AND LIST ALL MY SERVICES. BUT HERE IS WHAT I DO PERSONALLY...
WAXING, SKINCARE AND ANYTHING ALONG THOSE LINES.
HAIR LIKE I SAID IM NOT TO FOND OF.. SO YOULL HAVE TO BEG ME HAHA
MY SPECIALITIES:: AIRBRUSH MAKEUP, AIRBRUSH TANNING (I HAVE MY OWN GUNS) BODY CONTOURING, FANTASY MAKEUP, SPECIAL EFFECT MAKEUP INCLUDING..BALD CAPS..BLOOD BAGS, BRUISES, MASK, MASK FROM SCRATCH ANYTHING GROSS AND GOORY! LOL FILM/HD PHOTOSHOOTS, HIGH FASHION-FASHION WEEK- BRIDAL/PROM- ANY EVENTS YOU NAME IT
Also if your looking for a artist make sure you know what area they into.. bc they may be a good artist but if they dont know their product on camera.. its gunna look scary!! but thats a wholeeeeee new blog!!! i think i once started writing one about that! check it out.. It might even include what I wear myself. It also includes everything I have in my KIT.
I PRESENT TO YOU A MOBB FULL OF TALENTED BITCHES WHO I LIKE TO REFER TO AS MY WORLDWIDE MAFIA WHO ARE HIGHLY TRAINED TO BEAT YOUR FACE PRETTY =)
SNEAK PEAK http://xtinwayz.vpweb.com/
IF IT DOESNT WORK CLICKING.. COPY AND PASTE!! IT WAS GIVEN ME TROUBLE!
POW!
HERE IS A SNEAK PEAK OF THE WEBSITEhttp://xtinwayz.vpweb.com/
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